


Coming Down

by i_love_your_light



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, nothing overly explicit but this is like... the after, sex mention tw, the slightest homophobia tw too idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5879371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_love_your_light/pseuds/i_love_your_light
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it’s noon, that means<br/>we’re inconsolable.<br/>Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.<br/>These, our bodies, possessed by light.<br/>Tell me we’ll never get used to it.<br/>-Richard Siken, from Scheherazade</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Down

**Author's Note:**

> Title and inspiration from the Halsey song of the same name.

The early afternoon sunlight filtered through the stained glass windows of the church to cast rainbows on the skin of two boys sprawled on the floor of the vestry.  Ernst lazily traced the patterns of colors on Hanschen’s sweat-sheened chest, still regaining his breath as Hanschen gently ran his fingers through Ernst’s already-mussed hair.  The faintest harmonies of the church choir rehearsing echoed in the tiny space as the two boys silently shared air.  

 

It was moments like these when Ernst’s heart felt full to bursting.  Sure, a part of that was probably post-coital endorphins, but mostly Ernst found such joy in the afterglow, when each gazed upon the other with a holy sort of reverence.  And even though the sermons that condemned him to hell for what he and Hanschen had just done took place a few hundred feet from where he lay, he had never felt closer to heaven than he did when his breathing matched that of the boy beside him.  If there was a God, surely he couldn’t be looking down on them now with anything less than fondness?  Certainly this type of bliss could never be sinful.

 

Ernst placed a careful kiss to Hanschen’s collarbone and skimmed his fingers over his ribs, relishing in the way Hanschen shivered at the touch.  The rest of the world outside never knew this Hanschen;  they could hardly imagine him as vulnerable.  But Ernst, Ernst knew.  Ernst knew the Hanschen that brought tangerines to the vineyard so that butterflies would rest on his arms, the Hanschen that cried into his shoulder after his father had a drunken bout of rage, the Hanschen that laughed and squirmed uncontrollably when Ernst found the ticklish spot behind his knees, the Hanschen that loved Ernst with every fiber of his being.  Ernst could still vividly remember the moment Hanschen said those three fateful words aloud, how he fidgeted his fingers, terror in his eyes.  How he wept openly in Ernst’s arms as Ernst affirmed that he loved him as well, and that Hanschen was worthy of that love.  How Hanschen had whispered ‘I love you’ into every crevice of Ernst’s skin as the sun went down.  That night they knew that whatever they were together was truly something greater than their bodies, something exhilarating and terrifying.  The rest of the world didn’t know this Hanschen.  And Ernst knew that that meant Hanschen had an immense amount of trust in him. 

 

They remained in comfortable silence, watching the dust swirl through the multi-colored light.  Just as the thought had passed through Ernst’s mind that he could fall asleep at that moment,  Hanschen rolled to his side and propped his head up on his arm.  “We should head back out now,” he whispered, “We wouldn’t want your mother to notice that we’re missing from rehearsal.”

 

Ernst sighed but only cuddled further into Hanschen’s chest.  “What if I don’t ever want to leave?” 

 

Hanschen laughed gently and pulled Ernst’s head up to his.  “You think that I don’t feel the same? Believe me, darling, if it were possible to bask in this light for the rest of my life, I would.  But we must get back now.  People will talk.”

 

“And what if they do?” Ernst breathed, fingers fluttering over Hanschen’s jaw.

 

Hanschen chuckled fondly, “My, how you’ve changed in these past few months.  You are hardly  the same as the boy I first kissed in the vineyard.” 

 

Ernst pouted and Hanschen pulled  him in for a sweet kiss. “It only means that you hold more of my heart,” he whispered against his lips and Ernst felt like he could fly.  “Just five more minutes?” Ernst pleaded, but Hanschen gave him a meaningful look and Ernst knew not to push.

 

Ernst reluctantly pulled away and began to pull on undergarments and slacks while watching Hanschen dress as well.  Suddenly he burst out, “Why must we keep this secret?”

 

Hanschen laughed, a startled sound this time. “Would you like to be the one to tell your mother that we had sex in the back of a church during her choir rehearsal?”

 

“You know what I mean.” Ernst blushed.  “I only long to be honest, to hold your hand in front of others, to shout about my love for you from rooftops, How… I don’t understand how anyone could think that we… that  _ this _ is… wrong?”

 

“Neither do I, but that doesn’t mean people don’t think it.”  Hanschen replied, tossing Ernst’s shirt to him as he buttoned his own.  “But really Ernst, be rational.  Melchior Gabor got sent away for having sex with Wendla, which only broke one of their precious biblical laws.  Us?  We’re breaking several of them each day.” Ernst opened his mouth to speak but Hanschen interrupted him, “It doesn’t matter what we believe is right or wrong, because to the adults in this town what we believe is inferior.  You know my father, he…” Hanschen looked away. “He would…. well, you know….”

 

Ernst, now fully dressed, got up and slid his fingers between Hanschen’s.  Hanschen squeezed his hand and met Ernst’s gaze with a sad smile.  “I do dare to believe that someday we will... be able to be free.  To show the world, to… shout from rooftops.  But now is not that day, darling.  We’re... biding our time, remember?”

 

Ernst grinned. “Skimming off the cream.”

 

“Skimming off the cream.” Hanschen echoed softly.

 

The portraits of saints on the walls extended their hands in blessing over them as they kissed one last time, neither wanting to break away until their need for oxygen overwhelmed their need for proximity.  Hanschen smoothed the lapels of his own jacket as his posture became that of the Hanschen Rilow that was familiar to the world outside, pulling on a cold haughtiness like a second skin.  He turned to exit the room.

 

“Shall we go to the vineyard tomorrow afternoon?” Ernst rushed through the question, something still twisting in fear at the cold boy in front of him, even though he knew it was just a facade.

 

Hanschen’s face softened as he turned back to Ernst, “Of course.  I’ll walk with you from school.”

 

And with that he left, the soft click of the door behind him tugging at something deep within Ernst’s chest.  He sighed into the space, knowing he had to wait to leave a few minutes after Hanschen to avoid suspicion.  He played over Hanschen’s parting promise in his mind to pass the time.  There was something to look forward to tomorrow, but until then Ernst too had to act, had to pull on the layers of naivety and silence that had come to be expected of him. But Ernst could hardly wait to shed that all again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I ever wrote, and it's my only foray so far into Canon Era Hernst! Let me know what you think, either here or at tumblr at i-love-your-light.tumblr.com!


End file.
